Alice's Page

About

Alice has been with Cloud Surfers since September 2017. She likes to read long books, write unfinished books (l:), come back to said unfinished books years later and give them the joke treatment, and eat Brookside chocolate pomegranates. She also enjoys watching good-ish films, as well as good films and great films. She hates horrible films, with the exception of a few on MST3K. (ToRgO!)

She also enjoys playing arcade games from the dawn of Pac-Man and Space Invaders (though she isn't much good at them) (oh wait, she forgot, she's actually horrible) and mint chip ice cream. As well as that, she enjoys dark chocolate, as well as all other kinds of chocolate. Alice also can read, and enjoys reading classics that she claims to have understood. (You know, Homer's Odyssey was really an allegory for... er... I gotta go check SparkNotes.) Her preferred Google easter egg is Atari Breakout, and her favorite sport is Foosball. This is due to the fact that it requires no real talent. Except for hand-eye coordination... yikes. Never mind. Her favorite sport, then, would be fencing... with pool noodles. She is 100% serious. It's a little-known sport. And very safe.

Her favorite show found on Netflix used to be Sherlock, until the Johnlock-crazed fangirls ruined it for her*. She now claims that she always hated Sherlock and knew all along that it was bad. Her favourite show is now Monty Python's Flying Circus. It is a comedy show with little to no continuity and has a fanbase made of normal humans who do not ship whichever two characters they first see**. She will acknowledge that the comedy is sometimes questionable, and would like to mention that she fast-forwards the racist parts. However, she refuses to acknowledge your comments that Monty Python is extremely immature and childish. It is only slightly so. Now if you'd kindly excuse her, she's going to sing a song about a transvestite lumberjack. HEEEE'S A LUMBERJACK AND HE'S OKAY...

*If you are a radical Sherlockian (read: total fruitcake) please do not judge Alice's opinions of Sherlock ships. She might change her opinion if you wrote Moriarty into your fanfics. Because that's what people do.

**Except for Alice, who devotedly ships John Cleese and Michael Palin.

Alice also loves to misuse slang (e.g. That MOUNTAIN is BAE! That POLISHED WOOD FLOOR is LIT AF!), mispronounce things that people say a lot (e.g. SNAT CHAT), gradually slip into a British accent and then say "Whadda ya talkin' 'bout?" when people mention it, laugh to herself increasingly loudly until people ask what's so funny, hum songs increasingly loudly until people ask what song she's singing, make knowing references to things only she's heard of, write notes to herself in Dwarvish runes, and express opinions until people yell at her for being wildly misinformed and intentionally stupid. She also writes fake things about herself to make herself look cooler.

Alice is a cultivator of bad fanfiction. Her favorite at this time is Starkits Prophcy ("Fuhrstar! yellded a TiggerStraw. "You ar gong to did now!" And he held out... SOME JEW!). She also enjoys My Immortal, as most do. She often considers slipping My Immortal references into conversation, but then decides against it, because people would think she was mad. Or even worse, ludacris. Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen is also among her favorites. (For the record, she believes that XXXbloodyrists666XXX and beckymac666 are different people.) She also likes to read more obscure, hipster fanfiction such as Brewdening Love and Becoming Female, as she is a good Christina and not a sexist.

Alice also enjoys talking very quickly, repeating things, talking long-windedly, wordplay, and repeating things.

Here is a gif she made. She acknowledges that it sucks. By the way, if God himself came down and told her "gif" was pronounced like the peanut butter, she would say, "Okay, Jod."

Here is another thing she made; it is a non-stereotypical magazine cover. If such things even exist. Actually, this thing probably has tons of flagrant stereotypes in it, but the important thing is she tried her hardest. Please do not flame on social media. Katinka would not approve, KMART.

NOTE: Since this magazine's publication, Alice's opinion of Katinka has changed somewhat. While she used to have nothing but respect for her, she has since learned that Milla Jovovich (the actress who portrayed the fabulous Katinka) sucks. She entirely deserved the 1997 Golden Raspberry Worst Supporting Actress award for her cringeworthy role in The Fifth Element. Alice has no clue what Alicia Silverstone did in Batman and Robin to deserve the award, but it could not possibly be worse than whatever Milla was doing.

And now, for something completely different.

HE CUTS DOWN TREES, HE EATS HIS LUNCH, HE GOES TO THE LAVATORY

ON WEDNESDAYS HE GOES SHOPPING AND HAS BUTTERED SCONES FOR TEA